Not so Great Expectations

I had an appointment with my phyisical therapist today and we had a conversation about expectations.  This guy, his name is Jim and he's a bit older than I am, but we have similar ideologies and we have some great conversations about pop culture and politics.  He's very good at his job and he's good ABOUT it.  He doesn't make me feel like I'm at a physical therapy appointment.

Anyway, he spoke to me today about expectations and how I should start thinking about when I can transition to an outpatient facility as I become more independent.  I meet his request with my normal "yeah."  When he pressed and asked for a specific answer..  I froze.  Expectations.

Expectations.

That word has been swirling around my head for months.  What everything is expecting of me.  What I'm expecting of everyone.  What my expectations are for ALL this.  What I wanted to tell Jim when he asked me was, "I EXPECTED this to be completely finished by my 1 year anniversary...  But here we are almost 2 months later and I can barely take care of myself as various ailments have taken grip upon me.  How can gauge my expectations when I don't know what's around the next corner?  The only expectation I have is to wake up in the morning and meet the challenges of that day.  I can't plan the future because it's not guaranteed.  Not anymore.  Not for me.

Boy, that sure sounds depressing.  And now that I'm being completely honest, I'm spiraling down pretty quick. I think with my own psyche completely out of whack with all that's happening and with the amount of Prednisone I'm taking on a daily basis, my mind is a slurry of emotions just waiting to bubble over.  I've met various situations with unwarranted tears, inapprorpriate anger, awkward laughter.  I've been having dreams that I would be embarrassed to describe to a psychiatrist.  My daydreams involve my own demise (not at my own hand).

I don't know where my mind is going, but it's going there without my permission and it's put the pedal to the metal so to say.  The worst is that Anita is getting the brunt of this.  I've always been an little off kilter with my emotions since she's known be but now, oh man, now she's just sitting at ground zero.  I feel SO MUCH STRESS.  I feel SO MUCH DISAPPOINTMENT.  I feel SO MUCH right now.  I'm just a ticking time bomb and I don't know how to diffuse myself.  Do I complement my drug box with some Xanax?  Is that really the answer?  MORE pills?  Aren't the number of pills I'm taking partially to blame for this mess in the first place?

I'm having trouble sorting all these things out.  And as much as I wish I could focus 100% of my attention on this, I feel like I've got 1000 other things that need a good amount of attention as well.  I need to get the eff out of dodge.  Seriously.  I need to grab my beautiful and as understanding as she can be wife by the hand and just get out for a weekend and sit down in a town that isn't ours and unwind.  I need to not worry about our finances.  Not worry about how much money is gone from our FSA account already.  Not worry about when the next Photoferesis appointment is.  I need to break life back down to its essential elements.  Me, her.  Right now, that's all I need to survive.  Let me focus on THAT and make that happen.  Then I can come back and start worrying about expectations.

Fucking Myelofibrosis.

Yeah, I'm going to give it another go.

So, I think me forcing myself to try and write in certain time intervals has caused much of the writer's block that has plagued me over the last few months. Yes, I'm arrogant enough to say that I have writer's block. Do you people not know me at all?  I think in the future, I'm going to write just whenever I feel like it and not try and confine myself to a timeline.  It's my blog anyway, right?  Like three people read it besides me and that's only because I email it to them whenever I post.

Anyway, I'm here. I'm alive. I've survived a bone marrow transplant from this past February. I should rephrase that.  I'm in the process of The recovery has been so difficult, there are times that I LITERALLY cannot force myself out of bed. My hands are so unsteady and shake like a drunk's (and i can't even drink!) from all the immunosuppressive drugs. Right now, the graft vs. host disease is manifesting itself basically all over my forehead and has moved over my eyelids. I basically CONSTANTLY have a burning sensation on my face. This morning, I couldn't open my right eye until I tore the dry skin from my face. I'm so tired I can't spend time with my loved ones at times. But you know what? I'm alive. When I think about what it was like BEFORE I had this transplant, being admitted for this or that every two weeks or so, I'm thankful that I'm going through THIS instead of that. While it makes it easier to mentally deal with it, the physical ramifications are still absurdly difficult.

So where am I in the world?  I'm still living with my mom.  Yep.  It's true.  I can actually hear you snickering through the internet.  But you know what?  Without everything that my mom did, I don't think I'd be here right now.  Same goes for my sister and of course, I'm still confused as to how my wonderful  pre wife Anita puts up with all this nonsense.  My mother and sister are certainly bound by blood and love, but Anita is solely bound by the latter, and I can honestly say that it makes her the most wonderful person in my world.  I'm not sure if the situation were reversed, I'd be able to go through what she has had to endure and that makes her a much better person than me.  All of them.  My mom, from having us basically squatting in her house so that I can have better access to my doctors for next to no cost, I mean, I know she's my mother, but even that pushes the boundaries of what parents should do for their children.  And I think the best part in all of this is how much it has rekindled...  Hell, KINDLED the relationship between my sister and myself.  We were never very good friends and going through all of this REALLY pulled us ALL together.  I've never really felt close to my sister since I was an infant and I think I've been searching for that connection since.  Sometimes in other people.  I have so many female friends that I treat like my sister because I missed *this*.  I'm glad that in the end, it actually ended being my sister that I love like my sister.  Of course, the relationships I've forged over the years with the women (and the men, too) that continue to be in my life are absolutely irreplaceable to me, but that's a story for another time.  

What about love?  It's of course, Anita. It's all about Anita. I honestly don't know how she does it.  She's lived her life with such health and vigor, how does she deal with me?  Right now, I'm basically allergic to the sun.  Heat is my kryptonite.  I would say that one out of every three times her and I make plans to do something, my health becomes an obstacle.  Just this past weekend we drove down to DC to celebrate our friend Sharon's 30th birthday.  The first night I was OK.  We went out to eat at a swanky Indian restaurant and then to a wine bar.  By the time we got to the wine bar, I could barely keep my eyes open (I had been up since 5:45am).  The next morning, I was shot.  The plan was to go out to the VIP room in a club and dance the night away.  I never even made it out to the club.  Anita and Sharon went out to get their hair done and do whatever girls do when they're together (I'm assuming this is strip down to their underwear and have pillow fights) while Rob and I sat back, watched a little baseball and went out to eat at Ray's Hellburger.  I didn't say anything to anyone at the time, but I was fighting with myself to get things done.  My legs were kind of achy and my chest felt tired.  Well, by the time we got back from the burger joint (which was AWESOME BTW), I fell asleep.  Rob had to wake me up TWICE because I had dozed off as many times.  I didn't even make it to the club.  I got dressed, looked at myself at the mirror trying to conjure up some last bit of strength for one night of normalcy and I got nothing.  I sat down on the couch, again trying to sum up some untapped reserve of energy and found nothing.  I told Rob that I didn't want to go because I didn't want there to be a health related incident and I didn't want to ruin anyone's evening.  It absolutely SUCKS that I have to think in these terms, now.  I did have a bit of a hero moment, though.  Rob wanted to know what to do about Anita, who knew nothing of this.  I told him that I didn't want her to know until he got out there to her and it was too late for her to do anything but go out with everyone.  I just wanted her to have a night out to enjoy herself and not have to tether herself and play nursemaid to me.  Trust me, if anyone's earned a night in the VIP room, it's Anita.  I just don't know how she does it.  Sometimes I feel like I'm stifling her youth and ruining her life by holding her back and I don't know how to get beyond it.  It's mentally paralyzing.  I can't say it enough, Anita is an absolutely wonderful person and a much MUCH better person than me. 

What am I up to?  I've rejoined my job.  Yep.  Well, sort of I guess.  Right now, I'm working part time in the office and part time from home.  It kind of sucks, but I don't have the endurance to be able to make the drive to work every day.  And speaking of job, my word have they been accommodating.  I'm not sure if it's solely because I'm protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act, but almost EVERYONE has been super understanding with what I can and can't accomplish and has been basically bending over backwards.  From my immediate boss all the way to the top (and includes other departments).  They even got me gifts!  People from my job!  Mike came to visit me one day at the house and he brought with him MLB '11 The Show as well as a gift card provided by many of my colleagues and coworkers FROM OTHER DEPARTMENTS.  When he handed me the gifts, I had to struggle for a bit to fight back the tears (which was greeting by Mike scolding me for crying and declaring, "Really?  You're gonna cry?  Really?...  It's just his way).  And while we're on the subject of Mike, has there ever been a person that has shot up the ranks of people in my life so quickly?  I've never forged such a great friendship in such a short amount of time, especially when I have to deal with work stuff with them.  It's absolutely incredible.  Let me say it this way:  The number one non-family related hospital memory for me will always be when Tom drove down to see me last minute when Chrissy was afraid that she was too sick to see me.  Tom came drove down BY HIMSELF basically on a whim.  I was rude enough to fall asleep on him a couple of times and he has YET to complain.  But my number two memory?  Mike drove down to Philadelphia WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.  It was absolutely incredible.  His wife, his father, his sister, and his wonderful mother ALL came down to visit me. THERE ARE PICTURES! I mean, who does that for their coworker?  Mike's an incredible friend with an incredible family and I'm glad to know him.  Anyway, I digress.  I have been trying to get my footing back at work and it's been a bit difficult.  It's funny, I've been at this company for 4 years... The first three and a half, almost NOTHING changed.  I'm out for six months fighting for my life and EVERY department decides to up and change EVERY aspect of their tasks.  While I struggled to catch up the learning curve, I think (especially with what I'm going through) I've gotten to a place where I'm at least comfortable with my amount of knowledge.  Now if I can just regain my credibility (or gain it in the first place) and show up with some sort of consistency (I've already had to call out twice with GVHD related complications).  I'm hoping that with their continued support and as I continue to heal, I can get back to being my former productive self.  Hopefully.

and finally and most importantly, what am I looking forward to?  It's simple; EVERYTHING.  Before I had my stem cell transplant, I couldn't plan ANY part of my life.  I was living ER trip to ER trip.  Any time my life gained any head of steam, it would abruptly be derailed by some medical disaster that could and has set me back in terms of years.  This always loomed over me in everything that I did.  There were periods of my life in which I became obsessed with whether or not I would make it beyond 35.  All of that is behind me now.  While the recovery feels difficult, I'm full of  hope.  Maybe for the first time in a decade.  In the short term, I"m really REALLY looking forward to OUR WEDDING!  I can't believe it's less than two months away!!  It feels as though we were just going around looking for a place to have the damn thing!  And now... I just can't wait!  What an amazing celebration it will be to wed the one I love in the company of the people I love to begin a life that I didn't know I could have.  I know you might think I've had a bad break, but I've got an awful lot to look forward to.

VOIgle???

I really want to know if there are any plans for a Google based “home” phone that runs on voip that runs in conjunction with Google Voice.  I want this to happen before Anita and I move in together SO BAD!  I’ve wanted to utilized my Google Voice number for like A YEAR, now!  Someone make this happen!  SNAP!

 

I wouldn’t mind paying a monthly fee, either.  Just like Vonage; I just want it to be able to run with Google Voice so I can use all the cool features that I get with my own Google Voice number.

 

Man, I’m a loser.  }o-)

 

 

But a healthier one.  }o-)

When You Love Someone but it goes to waste – Could it be Worse?

I watched Rachel Getting Married today with my mom.  I’ve already seen the movie months ago with Anita and it’s an amazing movie, but that’s not the point of this.  All the drama in the movie aside, it made me feel so awful.  I mean, isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing?  I’ve been engaged for like 6 months and we are nowhere with planning our wedding because apparently, I’d rather spend time in the ER than planning the rest of my life with the woman I love.  How can this be?  When did it get to this?

I feel so lost.  After this last stint in the hospital and having to spend day after day drugged up on pain killers just to breathe like a normal person; spending my nights injecting myself with other drugs just to keep me alive, I just don’t feel like myself anymore.  I don’t have the desire to do anything.  Nothing.  My friend Mike was nice enough to come over on Monday with his daughter so that we could exchange our Christmas gifts and even that felt forced.  He gave me an AMAZING signed (and authenticated) Dan Marino picture.  It’s absolutely incredible.  And when I saw it, I knew the reaction I was supposed to have, so well, I don’t want to say I faked it because I didn’t.  I genuinely love that picture and it makes me miss my house because I have no place to put it up right now, but I wasn’t as excited as I should’ve been.  I’ve become a zombie.

But I digress.  This wedding thing.  I know that the standard man’s line to wedding planning is “just tell me the date an I’ll be there” but come on!  I’m so much more sappy than that and I’ve been looking forward to all this wedding planning since I decided I wanted to get married!  This past Sunday, I missed going to a bridal show with Anita because I just don’t have the constitution to stay upright for that long.  So what did I do instead?  My mom and sister thought I could do with a change of scenery so we went down to Mou’s house to spend time with her family, specifically the kids.  What did I do?  I fell asleep on her couch.  With the kids running around me, screaming, and everyone having a good time.  I don’t even know why I fell asleep.  I hadn’t taken any pain killers at that point.  I just had a blood transfusion, so it wasn’t fatigue.  I just don’t think I enjoy being awake anymore.  I don’t recognize the person in the mirror, anymore.  I’m supposed to be the fun one.  What happened to all the fun?  Where did it go?  When did it turn into just waiting for the next disaster to strike?

Anita called me after going to the bridal show with her mother and expressed how much fun she had and I just felt awful.  I’m missing out on the best part of my life.  And for what?  For what I ask?

This entire experience is so disheartening.  It’s no wonder I feel so alone; I’m not even me anymore.

One Ring to Rule Them All

Yep. I’ve done it. Taken the plunge. Dropped the hammer. Went for the dive. Drank the kool-aid. Gave up the ghost. Whatever other clichés there are to describe what I’ve done.
I’ve been lucky enough to be dating the most incredible girl over the last two years of my life and a few weeks ago, I grew the stones enough to ask her to marry me. Actually, this process started about six months ago. I was laying in bed and just thinking about Anita; I realized how much I've changed and how different and wonderful my life is. I also realized how much I want Anita and I to live and experience life together.
I never previously really understood what it meant to want to be married before. To want to spend the rest of your life waking up next to the same person. Falling asleep together. Eating together. Talking. Watching television. Living life together. Sure, I thought I did, but I was dumb. What they say is true. You really never know until it actually happens to you.
But I digress. Six months ago, I decided I would ask Anita to marry me and took the appropriate steps. I started saving money for a ring, asked her best friend to help me pick it out. Told everyone that needed telling and 6 months later, here we are.
The days leading up to the actual proposal were wrought with discourse. Just an absolute nauseating few days of trying to avoid spilling the beans to Anita that involved way more deception than I’m used to with her.
Of course… In the end it was all worth it because it led to a day that I (and hopefully she) will never forget for the rest of my life.
The scene: I have decided to send Anita through a scavenger hunt that will eventually lead to a candlelit dinner by the waterfall at Resica Falls. She has NO idea what’s about to happen.

From Engagement

The following events take place between 5:00am and 12:00am on May 22nd, 2009.
5:00am: BEEP BEEP BEEP! My alarm screams at me. Normally, I would hit the snooze button a few times, but not today. I’m filled with nervousness, excitement, fear, happiness, and everything in between. I spring out of bed and into the shower to start getting ready.
5:30am: Off to work. Hop in the car, put on The Fan and start my journey. While I’m pretending to listen to the overnight guy on the fan, I’m actually going over in my head everything that needs to be done today to make this spectacular.
6:30am: At work. I can’t even think about working. Not even close. I can only get in there and just be nervous and think.
7:00am: Coworkers Christian and Mike start heckling me telling me that she’s going to say no. Gotta love those guys.
9:00am: Coworker Philth comes to work and joins the brigade. At this point, I’m pacing around the office. Mike tells me that I’m a douche. That doesn’t really distinguish this from any other day.. I just figured I’d throw that in there.
10:00am: I reveal that I’m not really scared that she’ll say no, I’m more afraid that my elaborate scheme isn’t going to work. It took 2 weeks and 4 people to plan this thing properly (also with an assist from my friend Rita).
10:30am: I’m still pacing. Mike reminds me (again) that I’m a douche. It’s nice to know on such a big day that there’s at least SOME consistency.
11:00am: Mike has gotten to the part of the day where he just whispers “she’s going to say no” under his breath while he sits behind me. Christian wants to know if I have a plan in case she does say no. Philth is just dirty. Gotta love my job.
12:00pm: Mike reassures me that everything will be alright and that everything is going to be ok. The universe collapses. He also reminds me that I’m a douche.  Good thing, I almost forgot.
1:00pm: Time to leave. For once in a long time, Mike and I are leaving at the same time. Obviously, we wait for each other. We walk out together and Mike wishes me luck.
1:03pm: While we’re driving out, I block Mike’s exit route just to be a dick. I feel a little better.
1:04pm: While Mike and I are both at the exit to Suburban, Mike starts screaming “BONZAI!” a la Karate Kid to encourage/assuage my concerns. Sure, it was a little corny.. Ok.. it was really corny… But it was really nice and for some strange reason, it really DID make me feel better. It just goes to show you… Nothing calms you down like good old Mr. Miyagi.
1:15pm: WHAT.THE.EFF?!?! I hit traffic on route 80. Traffic?!! I left at one o’clock SPECIFICALLY to AVOID this crap. Lucky for me it’s not THAT bad. We’re moving slow, but at least we’re moving. 80 can at times be a parking lot.
2:15pm: Stop at Mr. Zs to buy 3 dozen flowers. 2 dozen rozens and 1 dozen purple daisies. I intend to combine the petals from 1 dozen red roses and the purple daisies to make a trail that Anita will have to follow. Ambitious? A little. But it would really make everything over the top.

From Engagement

2:20pm: Stop at Resica Falls to do a walk-through of the path I’m going to have Anita take to find her gifts and make sure the path keeps the dinner hidden at all times.
2:30pm: Home! Not bad. Of course, in my rush to get home, I forget to pick up the balloons. So, I guess Mike was right. I really am a douche.
2:35pm: Thank God for the all star that is James George. I sent him a text message asking him to bring me a bunch of Mylar balloons and he is happy to oblige. Nothing to worry about. James is clutch as Hell.
2:45pm: Start creating the cards for Anita’s scavenger hunt through Resica Falls. Of course, being the ass that I am, I make every possible mistake I can think of. Of the 4 cards I ended up with, I must’ve printed 8 or 9 because I made so many mistakes. Whatever though, I needed it to be PERFECT.

From Engagement

3:00pm-ish: James arrives with the balloons. I show him my progress on everything and he’s a bit indifferent. That’s not right. He’s excited but also exhausted. That’s more accurate. He tells me that he’s going to nap until the time we have to leave.

From Engagement

3:15pm: Anita starts IMing me on gchat! DRATS! I can’t be talking to her! It’ll blow everything up! I need to focus on everything I need to do. The answer? Lie my ass off. I tell Anita that I’m in a training session for the rest of the day. Sign off GChat and turn my phone off. Problem solved.
3:30pm: The prep work is basically done. Plates, cups, flowers, everything is seemingly ready to go. I bought a (wonderfully bedazzled) bottle of Moet that came with its own chill chamber and the chill chamber needed to be put in the frozen in order to chill the champagne. It should be in there for about 2 hours. Of course, James put his new little science toy in the freezer the night before. Can’t be too safe, right? I check on it to make sure it isn’t an ice cube. We’re good.

From Engagement

3:34pm: I’m done!? What do I do with myself? How could this be? I have 3 hours to kill. I certainly couldn’t talk to Anita because she thinks I’m in a training session. James is asleep. How ever will I solve this problem? Oh HELLO MLB ‘09 The Show’s Road to the Show. How are you?? I guess I can play a couple of games.
5:30pm: 1.5 SOLID hours of gaming. And to think, this day is only going to get BETTER. I walk upstairs and give James a good 1/2 an hour warning that we need to head over to Resica Falls.
6:00pm: James and I pack the truck and his brother’s car and head over to Resica. I park my truck in the front and James decides to drive down and unload at the dinner site. Nice job.
6:05pm: As we’re setting everything up, the first major mistake dawns on me. “James, this is great, isn’t it? The dinner is going to be beautiful and she’ll hopefully love it. One thing, though. Wouldn’t it be great if we had chairs??!?” Yep. James and I had forgotten to pick up the chairs. Again, it seems that Mike was right.. I am a douche.
6:15pm: As we set up, we decide on what to do. While I stayed and set the scene, James would go pick up the chinese food and chairs. Good plan.
6:20pm: I am sweating like you wouldn’t believe. I first set up the dinner with a great view of Resica. The dinner was to be composed of chinese food, grape soda, and champagne. All her favorite (the champagne is more my favorite

From Engagement

6:25pm: There’s a bridge between the view of the falls and a pond at Resica where Anita and I took our favorite picture. I set up the balloons there. This was to be clue #3 in Anita’s hunt.

From Engagement

6:27pm: I make a trail of flower petals from the balloons to where it needed to be by the bouquet of roses (which was clue #2).

From Engagement

6:30pm: I set the flowers and made the trail from where I would park the car (the scene of clue #3) and created another trail to the final clue.. #4. This is a photo album that I had created through CVS. It had pictures (with captions that I wrote in) depicting the last 2 years of our relationship.

From Engagement

6:50pm: James gets back. The chairs! SUCCESS! The food! It smelled so delicious. I was tempted to forget the whole thing and just eat there with James… Ok… Maybe not.
6:55pm: I set off to go get Anita. She had spent the day with her family at the park and they were going to meet me somewhere to get her.
7:00pm: I am lost. Would you believe it? James had driven my car onto the park to unload the chairs and I had NO idea how to get back to the road. Seriously, my douchiness is starting to surprise even ME. I search around and find the exit and set on my way. Idiot.
7:10pm: I make it to Country Kettle. I’m nervous. I call my sister for some last minute courage. She wasn’t home so I just left a message and sent a text to make sure that she doesn’t call me back. Don’t want a premature congratulations to blow the whole thing up!
7:15pm: Anita’s family brings her to me. She really has no idea. She thinks that we’re “finally” going on a picnic that she’s been whining to go on for almost a month. Little did she know that I was putting it off for JUST THIS REASON.
7:20pm: Checkpoint 1. I carefully send James the text message to know to light the candles and to leave the area.
7:23pm: DISASTER! My mom had left her pink sunglasses in the truck when she gave it to me! Why is this bad? Because Anita finds the sunglasses on the floor, decides to put them away. Where?? IN THE GLOVE BOX! THE SITE OF CLUE #1! It almost happened in slow motion. The glove box KREPT open and the envelope SLOWLY revealed from its hiding spot. I thought it was over.
7:24pm: Praying that she really didn’t notice the envelope, I remain quiet. Of course, less than a second later… She asks me what that is. I try and blow it off as nothing. My “It’s nothing… Forget it” was met with, “Fine, I’ll just open it then!” DISASTER!
7:25pm: Alright, go for broke. “FINE! You ruined it! I had a surprise planned for you for our picnic and now you found me out. I hope you are happy.”
7:26pm: She buys it. I can’t believe she buys it. She’s sitting there with this smirk on her face because she thinks she just broke up one of my plots to surprise her or something. Sucker. She deserves what she’s about to get.
7:30pm: We make it to the drop point. I tell Anita to wait in her seat for a second while I “got the food and stuff” from the trunk. I make my way to the trunk, open it, and exclaim, “OH NO!! I FORGOT THE BLANKETS AT HOME!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! We’ll go back and get them.” Of course, there are no blankets. In fact, while I’m giving her this line, I’m actually setting up the champagne and clue #3 in the trunk of the car.

From Engagement

7:31pm: I convince her that I need to run over to the ground to pee and that I’d be right back. I close the trunk, go over to the passenger seat, kiss her, and run into the woods.
7:32pm: Once I reached a safe distance from the car and was confident she couldn’t see me, I sent her a text message telling her to open that envelope in the glove box. The game was on.
7:45pm: I’m getting nervous, I’ve heard nothing from her. I sent her a text message asking where she was. She responded telling me that she was getting there. I guess I would have to wait.
7:55pm: It’s almost completely dark right now. The area with clue #4 is elevated from the point of the dinner, but I couldn’t see it. I didn’t know how to prepare. I knew she was going to be coming in a minute or two, and I was SO SO nervous that she would just pop up in front of me and I would freeze.
7:58pm: Blessing in disguise. The Mylar balloons reflected what little light was left and the fact that they were floating a foot above her head allowed me to see them. I saw her making her way to clue #4 and eventually start making her way towards me.
8:00pm: She had a look of bewilderment on her face that I will never forget. It was wonderful. She exclaimed, “What is this?” because she STILL had no idea what’s going on. I guess we’ll just keep going.
8:01pm: I instructed her to open the gift. She starts thumbing through the book and I think it dawns on her all at once as she gives out a final, “WAIT! What IS this??” As she finishes the book.
8:03pm: That’s my cue. I take out the fortune cookie with the fortune, drop to one knee. In the middle of my little spiel, she starts basically balling and obviously, that means I have to start balling. I still get through it. She opens the fortune cookie…

From Engagement

8:04pm: She can’t speak. She shakes her head yes as the tears are strolling down her face, I place the ring on her finger (it fit! YES!) and she held me for what seemed like an eternity.

From Engagement

8:07pm: Of course, the eternity was probably around 3 minutes. She loosened her grasp a bit and invited her to eat the dinner. We sit down and eat. She is absolutely speechless for the next ten minutes. I think this may be the happiest moment of my life that I can remember.
8:15pm: We’ve eaten next to nothing. We’re both still kind of in shock. At this point, we’ve just been yacking and Anita just keeps repeating phrases like “OH MY GOD!” and the like. We decide to start calling people.
8:20pm: Calling my mom is a circus. What felt like EVERY ONE of her friends was there and wanted to talk to both me and Anita for absolutely ever. My douchebag cousin tries to ruin the moment as best he can by talking to Anita and saying things like, “You know how he is.. You know what you’re getting in to. You know, right?” Really? Who does that? Whatever, though, he wouldn’t ruin this for me, as much as he hard as he would try. It was douchy enough for even ANITA to bring it up, so figured I would. What an ass he is.
8:30pm: While Anita is on the phone with her family, I go back to the car and drive it onto our dinner area. We start to pack up. The scene was over and I’d have to say it was pretty much a success.

From Engagement

8:32pm: Back to the house. James is there, but mysteriously decides to go see a movie. We try to eat a little, but it doesn’t work. We fumble around for a while and call more people and just bask in the moment for a bit.
9:30pm: We watch LeBron make that RIDICULOUS last second 3 point game winner to beat the Magic. Uhm.. It was sick.
11:00pm: Exhausted! What a day, eh? Hopefully a day that neither of us will soon forget.
A real big thanks to EVERYONE that made this happen for us. Since the engagement, life has been a little crazy, but it’s also been really awesome.