The Infinite Support of Sumana Stephenson

You, know my sister and her family have been incredibly helpful throughout the four years of this nonsense.  They’ve spent countless hours and more money than I deserve on trying to keep me sane.  Hell, my sister bought be my PS3 for AND she bought me the PS3 Move a year later and neither of those are even related to my disease.  They've been with me at doctor’s appointments (even some that Craig really didn’t want to attend) and have held my hand through the most difficult times of my life.

For some odd reason, I keep coming back to a random memory from my childhood when I was about 13 and my sister was 21 and in college.  I was supposed to go to a party and I wanted to take pictures there (back when cameras needed film).  You see, I wasn’t a very popular kid in high school.  Hell, I was never popular period.  I always took pictures to remind myself that I was at places and I did things.  Sure it sounds pathetic… But then again, I am a little pathetic.  But you know what else?  I’ve got amazing friends, a ridiculously hot fiancé, and a great family.  So maybe pathetic worked out pretty well.

But I digress.  So, I asked my mom to take me to the Shop Rite across the way and buy some film for my camera.  When the three of us got there, I waited in the car and specifically asked for the 24 frame film.  Anything less would be absolutely useless right?  Who takes 12 pictures?  I can take 12 pictures in ten minutes right now, right? 

Anyway, when they returned, my mom had bought the film with only 12 frames and it was tantrum time.  I was crying on the floor of the kitchen with my mom and sister trying to explain to us our financial situation and I just wouldn’t hear it.  All of my friends were so well off, I just couldn’t fathom that we had money problems.  And that wasn’t the point.  Almost everything I wanted I got.  Everyone always pulled together for me. 

At one point or another, my sister turned to me and asked, “Is there anything that you’ve asked for that I never got you?” and I straightened up on the floor and exclaimed, almost with pride, “You never bought me a pair of shoes when I stayed with you at your dorm.”  My sister exploded into tears, threw the 24 frame film that she herself had bought be because she wanted me to have it and stomped off.

I don’t know why I said it.  I already had a new pair of sneakers, I think I just wanted to win the fight, no matter the cost.  I come back to the memory time and time again and wish I could change it but I can’t.

My sister and I grew up always in some sort of quiet rivalry and she always seemed to get the better of me.  Maybe it was my way of winning a bit.  No matter what, even at that young age, I should’ve recognized how much everyone always pulled together for me.

It took another maybe 15 years for my sister to stop our tacit rivalry and really REALLY become a family.  I used to be so afraid when she would call or when she would come over because I knew it would be time to talk about what a terrible human being I am.  But now, since I guess I grew my ass up a little (even if a little later than everyone else), I’ve started to earn at least a little of the respect and love that I’ve been receiving my entire life. 

As things are now, I come and go from my sister’s house whenever I please.  I run around with her two beautiful children until I’m too tired to keep up (which is usually about 5 minutes).  Her husband and I enjoy both political and sports banter.  Things could not be better and I wouldn’t have them any other way.  But there’s always that little boy inside me that is so sorry for the thing I said that day all those years ago and hope to make it up to her some day.